That ‘Toxic Relationship’
Morning, my little bees (my new name for you guys now - I’m weird, I know). I’ve been on airport standby since 5:30 am (ouch), so it's the perfect time to write a little and kill time whilst praying not to be called for any long turnaround or, well, anything really. Roast dinner later has my name on it.
So today, I’m going to talk about that one toxic relationship that we always have (if you haven’t, well, you’re lucky and obviously smarter than me, or if you’ve had more than one… it’s probably you that’s the toxic one)! On this blog occasion, I think I won’t get Simon to proofread - he definitely doesn’t want to know. So, the relationship that sticks in my mind was when I was in the Middle East, and I got swept by … no surprises here… a pilot! He decided that he liked me on a layover, and I had zero interest in him at first. He then took my name from the Gen Dec after the trip and found me on Instagram (I should probably have realised this was stalker vibes then). But we’ve all been a stalker before, right? Haha.
Well, anyway, he kept trying to pursue me, and eventually, six months later, we were rostered an LA together. I remember he got me all excited and said let’s go to Vegas with all the crew. On the 16-hour flight, I asked the crew, and none of them said they were up for it. I told him I couldn’t go as none of the other crew were going, and he informed me then that he had already booked the flights and couldn’t get a refund. I should have seen this as a red flag, as this is how it always was - he dictated everything the whole time.
After this LA, I was finally convinced to give us a shot; he had tried so hard. I was with him on and off for three years, and it was constant fighting. Don’t get me wrong, the passion was always out of this world (and there were some good things. I don’t want to be all negative). I’d much rather have a balance than be on a rollercoaster the whole time. I do not think I have cried as much in my lifetime as in those three years.
I didn’t realise it then, but he wouldn’t have me on any of his social media. He blocked me from Facebook and Instagram (I mean, who blocks their current girlfriend). I wasn’t allowed to post anything about us. He would get angry if I went out with the girls and I wasn’t allowed out on a layover with the crew. I wasn’t allowed to wear anything too short. I didn’t meet any of his family. I wasn’t allowed to have male friends. I even remember a particular evening when he went through my Facebook friends, and he basically culled anyone that wasn’t family, gay or friend of the family. He also downloaded my iCloud of messages when I thought I was uploading songs from his laptop and read three years' worth of messages. He dumped me on and off for messages he read three years ago.
I’m shocked at myself that I let this all go on when I was the age of 31/32/33. Hayley fell out with me at this time because she didn’t agree with it, and in hindsight, I agree with her. I lost friends, and I will never be making that mistake again. Even though I knew deep down this was not how a relationship should be, I was stuck in a cycle. Eventually, I said to myself whilst I was on a London layover that I would go to BA assessment day, and if I got direct entry cabin senior, it was my sign to leave. I remember our flight was delayed, and I went straight from the flight to the assessment day - they were impressed with my work ethic, and I got the job (clearly, I’m here now).
I knew I had to help myself and leave the UAE, as I would keep returning to this toxic relationship. I handed my notice in at Etihad the last day I could as I still couldn’t make a decision, but that day is when I made a life-changing decision, and I’m so happy I did. At first, when I moved back, and it was winter getting up at 4 a.m. for training every day, I thought otherwise and had quite a few meltdowns (sorry, Aimee, for witnessing them). Still, almost five years later, I can honestly say that I think it’s one of the best decisions I have ever made. I used to miss Dubai sometimes as I don’t think I was ready to leave Dubai (hence why I go back at every opportunity), but I know I made the right decision for me.
I see a few of my friends in similar relationships that aren’t happy and quite toxic. It is a vicious circle and so hard to get out of when it’s all-consuming, but if they are reading this, then taking the giant leap, it is so worth it and stop wasting more years of your life as they are bloody precious. I did continue seeing him after I started at BA as I kept bidding for Dubai, but then something clicked in me, and I decided I wanted to see the rest of the world. As soon as I started changing my bids, I didn’t get Dubai anymore, and I got over him. It was a long process, but that first step is helping yourself… if you recognise any of these things or red flags, don’t waste your time, or at least make sure lessons have been learnt from it when you are ready.
It makes me appreciate Simon so much more. He tells me to do anything I want, is my biggest supporter, and trusts me a million per cent, and he can… I have found the best!
xBx
P.S. Didn't get called!