Getting Pregnant
This is a bit of a sensitive subject, and I know that it is for many but whether your pregnancy journey was easy or hard – it is your journey. I haven’t written a blog in a while and well I’m not even sure if I will share this, but I want to get back into writing so yeah here is mine...
I think I always knew that in the end, I wanted to be a mother but I never felt ready, I remember being 34/35/36 and I still didn’t feel ready (or have a man – that would help right?) and that’s when it started to scare me, by that time most of my friends had already settled down and had babies. I had moved to Dubai during COVID times and was partying on a boat every day. OK maybe every other day but I do remember when the conversation would come up with friends, I would divert from it because it did scare me that I was nowhere near the position to have children, and yet my clock was ticking. A rose wine soon made me forget about it for the time being.
I met Simon when I was 36 and well yeah, I know this is cliché to say but the morning after I met Si I WhatsApped my family group saying ‘Buy a hat, I’ve met the man I’m going to marry’. Admittedly I was probably still drunk at the time but there was something about Simon that made me want to settle down and be with him. I wish the same could be said about him towards me, let’s say he needed a few months of convincing before he committed to me. However, anyone who knows me is that when I put my mind to something – I’m almost unstoppable!! The only catch with Simon (there are a few of course as I’m sure there are with me ha) but from when we first got together, he always told me that I must be OK without children because he had two children already and that was not something he wanted in life anymore. In my head, I just said to myself ‘I will convince him’ – I liked him far too much at that point to walk away.
Over the next year and a half, I’m going to be honest, now and again I would bring it up and it would be the cause of most of our arguments. He told me that he had been honest from the start, and I knew the deal however my wanting to be a mother got even stronger because I finally had a man that I wanted to do this with. I couldn’t let it go. I understand that I have probably been the unreasonable one going back on my word however after my nose job and the trauma that came with it (those who know me or read my blog should be very clued up here) well, I went to seek therapy and calm my mind. What came out of this therapy is that I wanted to be a mother more than anything and I realised that if I wasn’t given the chance, I couldn’t accept it. I conveyed this to Simon, and I was deadly serious. Simon had at this point had a vasectomy for 18 years, so it wasn’t just a case of OK let’s see.
Simon loves me dearly, he finally caught up with how much I loved him, and he didn’t want to let me go. He agreed to do a vasectomy reversal however if we did not fall pregnant after that then the agreement was that I had to accept it was going to be the two of us. I thought this was reasonable and we agreed. I did my research, and I booked it all – good old Dr Swinn. He was a cricket fan, and I thought he would want to do a good job with Simon, so I left it in his magic hands. The success rate because of how long it had been - was only at 30% - 40%, but that was good enough for me. I do feel a bit sorry for Si as the operation didn’t seem so easy and he was struggling to walk for a while afterwards, his balls were MASSIVE and BLACK. The first words he said to me when he came around from surgery were ‘I hate you’. LOL, Love you too darling!
Anyway, that was June last year and I didn’t fall pregnant until July this year, they told us not to expect much in the first three months, but I was always hopeful. It’s been hard as a lot of the time Si, and I haven’t even been in the same country at the times we needed to be. Also, I had an app on my phone that I was going with every month and finally got convinced to buy some ovulation sticks which Simon thought was a bit much, but they worked. I realised I was ovulating two days later every month so for anyone trying, don’t just go with the app. I honestly would convince myself though that I was pregnant every month if I didn’t come on my period the day my app said but I’m often one day late. It is funny how you go from 20 years of wanting to desperately see your period every month to desperately not wanting to. I would convince myself that the symptoms I got before I came on meant I was pregnant – I can honestly say that this year I have done a few negative pregnancy tests. I also thought that maybe there was something wrong with me, so I went to get myself checked out. After I got the results that I was ok (good for my age) I think it somewhat relaxed me a little and I had it in my head that I had Si for the summer in England that this was my time. I even said that maybe we could try IVF by the end of the year if I hadn’t fallen pregnant, but Si said I was moving the goalposts and that wasn’t happening.
At the end of July, I was one day late for my period as usual, however, this time the pregnancy test said positive. I woke Si up at around 6:30 to say I think I am pregnant, and he’d heard it before and didn’t realise I had taken a test so he kind of just went back to sleep. I did not know what to do with myself so I called my friend and asked if she could look at a photo for me and tell me what it meant. She thought, oh shit, she’s going to send me a screenshot of something Simon has done. I don’t think she was quite thinking this. Her advice to me was to take another test, so I did and then I properly woke Simon up! To say he was shocked was an understatement, however, he could not be more excited, and he’s already bought things way too early. He started working on the nursery, and he talks to my belly most days. I am beyond excited that my dreams have come true and thanks for being with me for the journey.
I realise I’m going to be quite an old Mum at 39 and Simon an even older Dad at 55. However, I wasn’t ready before now and you never know when it is going to be your time. The comments that have been made on newspaper articles in New Zealand (yes, we made the national news… woohoo), some were awful. I don’t even want to repeat them. But I do not care, I’m going to be the best Mum I can be, and this baby is going to be one lucky little guy/girl. 😊
xBx
P.S. The first-person Si told we were pregnant was Dr Swinn, haha. We owe you cricket tickets!!! :)