Surgery… let's talk about it.
Good afternoon all; beautiful sunny Saturday in London, and I'm not working till tomorrow. Did a 15k run in preparation for my half marathon this morning (please sponsor me- thanks) watching a test match (snooze… sorry), so I thought, what better time to start my blog.
So I teased you by saying I would tell you about my surgeries and why. This led you to think there were loads and kept you intrigued… I've only had 2, but I will talk about why and how they went and give you something to think about.
So I've always been a bit vain (you wouldn't think this if you saw me in my blue wkd and Victoria Beckham haircut days - I'll attach a pic, why not)! However, in general, I think my vanity comes from my mum basically being a beauty queen. She is gorgeous, and everyone used to tell me how beautiful my mum was, and I guess I wanted to look more like her; I am pretty sure I look more like my Dad (Dad, you are handsome, but you could have given me mum's nose and bum).
The turning point for me was when I was around 14 and felt I was a little overweight (probably only a size 14). Still, I remember my mum being a personal trainer at the time. I think I was going through some mood swings and my mum posted a letter underneath my door… it read something like 'I don't know why you are upset but if it is your weight - let me help you, we can go to the gym, and I can set you a diet' (I told you my family are cruel but wouldn't have them any other way). I think what bothered me at the time was that some boy wouldn't hold my hand or something, but it was my wake-up call that I wanted to do something about how I looked.
It's very hard to drink so much, party every day, not sleep, work long hours and look good (legend if you can do this). Anyway, after my manic party episode years (decade) were over, this is when I really started to care and took up running. If anyone is keen to run.. be warned it completely pancakes your boobs. I suddenly had nothing, and I'm a naturally curvy girl. I had wanted them done for ages, and finally, at around 26, I remember being at lunch with all my aunties and mum and saying I don't understand how you all have great boobs and I have nothing. My auntie then said, 'None of ours is natural'!!! I was shocked - nobody had told me after I threw a hissy fit as I had been lied to for years and made a dramatic exit from the lunch table- I booked myself the next day for a month's time. I was super nervous about this, too. Still, the operation went successfully, and nobody can really tell (or that's what I think) as I only got them to suit my body.
Anyway, come my surgery in January - one of the questions I always ask people is their least favourite thing about themselves. Now mine was always my nose, but I never hated it enough to really do anything about it(that should probably say something in itself). Then last year, all of a sudden, 3 of my friends got nose jobs, and I liked them all (they'll kill me if I reveal them- sorry). Anyway, it made me want one, I talked about it, and Simon said if it makes you happy, go for it. I was so apprehensive about it (scrap that I was scared shitless) - honestly I was shaking before going into surgery. I remember seeing all the other surgery patients while I was being wheeled into surgery. I was waving at them whilst they were out of it saying 'hi surgery friends' (like inbetweeners). It was like I was drunk. My resting heart rate before going into the surgery was 100! As you all know, I've discussed waking up late and my brain going funny since Glen came into my life.
Yes, yes, I'll get to my point soon. I am happy with my nose, but it's taught me that if you are happy inside your mind - leave it be and don't change yourself. We are all unique, and you have to be happy in your own skin, don't get me wrong, I'll still be having Botox and little touches to make myself feel better. Still, I no longer care if I put on weight, if a few more lines appear or if I get a big spot (maybe if it's at the end of my new nose). This is small shit in life. I invite you to think twice regarding going under the knife because surgery is a significant risk, mostly it's okay, but I can't tell you how much agony and suffering my mind has gone through since. I don't regret it because I'm on a journey of self-discovery, and if I help one person, it will be worth it. But it's been hard…
This has taught me many, many lessons, and one of them is… I am just me, proud to look like my dad, and I will not be going under the knife again. There is no judgement here, but please do your homework and think carefully.
xBx
P.S. You are all bloody beautiful to me!